But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
