i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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