She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
