um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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