We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
