I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
