Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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