I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
