she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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