hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
