when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
