I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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