It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
