no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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