When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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