Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
