So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
foreskin is a definite game changer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
