Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize