why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
