Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
