i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
