I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
