The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
