I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
