there's paper in my vomit.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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