I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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