They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You peed on a flamingo?!?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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