Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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