Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize