I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
