After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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