K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
jump out the window naked night went bad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
