Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
