so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
