You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
