I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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