R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
