Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
