the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
