I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We named our party play list daddy issues
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
