did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
