Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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