My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
