Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
