His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ttyl tear gas
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
