Someone shit on the floor
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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