Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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