It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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