all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The Olympian is in my bed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
