im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
