you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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