I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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