I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
