he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
