i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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