Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
