too bad you live with your parents still
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
