I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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