Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
