I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
