no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
