If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
