It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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