A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
