Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
