I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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