apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
