What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can I color on your dick again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
