The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
