Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
