i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
