He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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