I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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