I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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