Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
