my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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