hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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