is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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