i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize