We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
