Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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